Yesterday I was studying lesson 2 pretty in depth trying to figure out all the intricacies of why we need to die, and why we have to rely on the Savior rather than suffer for our own sins and all that sort of interesting stuff, and as I was reading in Abraham I felt a pang of discouragement.
Here are my thoughts:
I accept that this is complicated and can't all be understood at once. I accept that I don't have to have an answer to everything to know that it's true, but If I can't explain everything, how can and I teach and convince others of the truth? This just seems so hard to understand and even harder to explain.
I was only having this discouragement for a couple seconds when I felt the Holy Ghost very strongly and the clear thought came into my mind: "Is this feeling hard to understand?"
No. The Spirit is not difficult to understand. And if my investigators feel Him I won't need to convince them of anything. That's His job not mine. My job is much simpler: it's to bring Him with me and my companion to lessons.
Of all the teaching skills and knowledge I can develop, nothing will ever be more important than living in a way that allows the Spirit to come with me everywhere I go.
I realized that I've been lacking a lot of faith that my investigators will feel the Spirit, and that's probably because I haven't had a good relationship with Him recently.
Transfer calls were yesterday I'm staying in Gwangyang! I'll probably be here for a few more months because this is my companion's last transfer and I'll need to introduce the area to the next missionary who comes in. I get to send Elder Child home and keep all the language books he won't be able to carry on the plane!
I can't believe how long I've been out. My year mark is September 28. I honestly thought I would have accomplished a lot more and been a lot better at Korean by this point, but I know that I have been working hard. I'm happy and growing everyday.
I love you. Be good and stuff.